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Fiction Strange Alliances

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by Kcibrihp-Esurc, May 13, 2015.

  1. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Razordon

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    It's finally Edited!:sorry::writing:
    I am honestly not sure how much more readable it is, it was a nightmare :hurting::inpain::nailbiting:

    Hrimki - Longhouse, The Chaos Wastes
    “You promised me an army! I want that army NOW!” My anger didn’t phase the Daemon, it just reminded me that the original plan was for my Warriors to attack the surface of the island, and the Daemons would use the steadily forming rift to attack through the Skaven tunnels, he’d do his part, and we’d do ours. Annoyed, but unable to argue with the Daemon, I just slumped back down in my throne, and resigned myself to waiting, at least my longhouse had entertainment enough


    Alxebren the Cursed - The Realm of Chaos
    Stupid, arrogant human, didn’t he realise that I don’t care who he is? Why would I care about an individual Chaos Lord? He was just one amongst dozens. All he was was a tool, a tool with an overinflated opinion of himself maybe, but still a tool.
    ‘I am close to getting my long awaited revenge, on every being who has crossed me! I have schemed for millennia on my plans to kill those enemies that refused to die. I can wait a few more months, and so can that imbecilic human!’


    Vasdbo - A Ruined Village, The Empire
    “‘All who profit from the spoils of Chaos shall be doomed’ So quoth Grand Theogonist Vilgrim the Third,” I said vehemently “I am not going a looter or a thief!”
    Norimia looked at me reproachfully, his eyes glinting with restrained anger. His house was tainted with Elven blood, but I had charitably decided to give him a chance, as the child doesn’t choose their blood. Although having the same colour hair and shared elven features as that Vampire made him difficult to deal with. “Seriously man, we’re out of supplies, and we need to eat sometime!” I looked at him, disgusted,
    “You call yourself a Devout Follower of Sigmar, and yet you condone thievery!” He waved at the devastation around us “The Beastmen are moving north, and all you would do is steal from the victims!”
    Norimia fixed me with an icy stare,
    “Idiot, do you like starvation? You question my faith because I suggest we take supplies from people who don’t need them anymore, because they’re dead.” then, he thought for a moment and spoke quietly,
    “The supplies are there, and if we don’t take them, other people, less righteous than us, will. Would you let the wealth of The Empire be pillaged by men of no moral value?”


    Scetto - Tunnels beneath Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    What is she doing here?! How did she get get here? What had beaten her so badly to cause the injuries she’d had? All those questions, and no answers.
    All I know was that she is here, and could easily ruin Thrikth’s plans, I must warn him.


    Tzaqor - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    “A Skaven? Here? Are you sure?” Uaxhedin looked at me reproachfully,
    “If I wasn’t sure would I be here, swearing blind that I saw one?!” He answered, evidently getting annoyed,
    “Is it so hard to believe? If I told you water wasn’t wet you’d assume it was true until someone proved otherwise! And now, I tell you Ardaris was attacked by a Skaven and you ask ‘Are you sure?’ Seriously!”


    Eliara - Altdorf, The Empire
    ‘Honestly, dealing with another Merchant Prince? Now we have to kiss arse to ‘Targan the Great’ although to me it looks more like ‘Targan the Obese’. At least this time we have the word of
    “The Church of Sigmar” backing us, but still, this fat toad is going to ask for something and it’s probably going to be something big.’


    Norimia - Altdorf, The Empire
    ‘I hate merchants, everything’s overpriced. At least no one has blown their cool’
    Eliara, while she doesn’t understand how human politics, trade and favours work, and found them extremely irritating, but she kept on a mask which revealed nothing, and considering the reputation of Wood Elves for wildness that was even more impressive.
    ‘Sigmar, what do elves learn in those forests? If she played poker I’d lose every time!’
    I wish I could keep up a mask that flawless, it’s hard not to show irritation as that disgustingly fat man prattles on, and bemoans his loss of profits.


    Ruagahnn - Blackspine Mountains, Naggaroth
    The wall nearly collapsed on top of me, shocking me from my slumber, and the stout, bearded creatures looked up at me in shock, as I rose up above them.
    They have disturbed my resting place! They brandished weapons at me, and retreated. Snarling I followed them cautiously into their tunnels.
    Following them became very hard on the senses, but couldn’t they at least speak properly, all I could hear was a cacophony of ‘Dragon!’, ‘Hold fast!’, ‘Fall back!’, ‘K’dai!’, and other strange noises, honestly, are they even speaking a language, or is that their calls?
    What would possess these creatures to lead me somewhere where I am not having to squeeze through? The tunnels were large enough for any lesser Dragon, but didn’t help me.
    Also, what is that massive gate for and why is it opening?


    Durcrist - Blackspine Mountains, Naggaroth
    “Well, I didn’t know that Shadow Elves were that openly welcomed by Chaos Dwarves!” Gulnour said dryly, standing next to me outside the gates, chuckling. I gave him a dark look, and answered him sharply “My question is what the hell was in there with them! They all ran out, covered in ash and burns, and all I could see in there was firelight!”
    A nearby warband member joked, “I bet fifty Gold Crowns that it was a K’dai Destroyer!”
    “If you want to go in there and find out, be my guest, but we still need to kill the survivors, before they regroup.” The group of Shadow Elves moved off.


    Targan - Altdorf, The Empire
    Well they’re gone now, with enough ships and supplies for that mercenary’s army, and my coffers got a little bit more full, and even better, Ivarn is making huge progress in extending my trade network, he’s such a good son, and produces spectacular results!


    Vasheress - Altdorf, The Empire
    I hate these missions, they take too long
    ‘Kill everyone in the house, you will get 5 gold for every guard or servant, and 500 for the main target’ Lovely, they sit back, while I kill over a hundred people, before I even reach the main target! This is going to take a while, I could slip through the mansion unnoticed, but then I get subpar payment, or, I could kill the entire household, as my Druchii blood told me to do, take hours, but have a large payment.
    Kill all the inhabitants, I could have some fun toying with them, I love Shadow Magic. It’s always worth the extra effort watching some maid kill her sibling!
    He knew I was there when my knife went through his voice box, then, walking over his living corpse, I used magic to become just another shadow on the wall, and slid through the door to the Target’s quarters
    By all that is sacred, and most things that aren’t, how does someone get that fat!? And how does an unlucky assassin find a place to stab lethally?! Does it even have a neck?!


    Narglicht - Near Cuaqtla, The Under-Empire
    Simple, I help open this Daemons rift, and my Clan gets the tunnels beneath the island, with the added bonus of, if I help take the island I get the entire island and all it’s resources!
    Also, he never banned possible collateral damage, so we’ll give the Warriors of Chaos a plague, while we avoid as many losses as possible, and the Horned Rat will have even more glory!
    And the entire Under-Empire will breath a massive sigh of relief when that heretic’s pet Assassin is gone.


    Thrikth - Tunnels beneath Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    “When people say something is hard to believe, it’s generally more, well, believable” Scetto’s story was incredible, almost impossible. But even the most powerful spells of compulsion to tell the truth, and of detecting lies had said that everything was true…
    The Black Terror of Mordheim was known to all who had even the most superficial ties to a member of Clan Eshin, and now everything was saying that the Skaven before me, who had revoked all ties other than to me, was that very Skaven, and that meant he was over 300 years old.
    “So, we know that the vampire, Ardaris is there, but what of the Daemon you mentioned in the story, it’s quite possible that it knows that you’re both here, and might try to get revenge.”
    “It is a possibility, but it would be difficult for it to get here, as Daemons need a rift, someone to summon them, or a host to possess, but we should still be careful, Ardaris herself could ruin our plans.” Still sceptical, I pursued the topic, “But if this Daemon was to attack, do you think we could find allies from the inhabitants or the island?”
    “Yes, but considering how powerful Alxebren was, while possessing someone, I’m not sure if that would be enough.”


    Boqtlan - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    The entire army of Cuaqtla stood arrayed in the city plazas, waiting, they had been informed that not only had there been sightings of Skaven, but the Mage-Priests had detected a growing rift to the Realm of Chaos beneath the island. So they prepared for battle, alongside the Tomb Kings, while Ardaris worked to find how the Skaven had gotten onto the islands surface.


    Ayltenq - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    Something was bolstering the rift, opening it more as we tried to prevent it from doing so, the Daemons would come through, despite our efforts. Time to see if Cuaqtla and her allies could stand against a Daemonic horde, or if history would repeat itself.


    Gulnour - Blackspine Mountains, Naggaroth
    “By all the gods…”
    The entire mountainside had given way, at first we had thought it was a volcano, explaining the burns and ash, so we moved away to a safer distance.
    Now we were all wishing it was a volcano, but wishes rarely come true, if ever.
    Instead we stood watching in horror as a Dragon pushed it’s way out of the mountain, and the mountain crumbled as if it was nothing.


    Rimkailn - Blackspine Mountains, Naggaroth
    We all dived simultaneously on the monstrosity emerging from the mountain.
    Having witnessed it starting to emerge, I called other Black Dragons to destroy it, thirteen others had arrived and now we were going to make sure it did not live to the end of the day.


    Ruagahnn - Blackspine Mountains, Naggaroth
    Pathetic.
    These worms believed that they could hurt me?
    They believed wrong. They are ants, they are to me as what a snail is to a Star Dragon. Slow. Weak. Below disgust.
    And now they are dead.
    “I AM RUAGAHNN! KING OF THE SKIES, ALL SHALL HEAR MY VOICE AND TREMBLE!”


    Hroki - The Great Ocean/World Pond
    “So, we are going to a random place in the middle of the Great Ocean because some Daemon said so.” Hrimki glared at me “Brother, it’s not some random place, and it’s not ‘Some Daemon’ It’s a Bloodthirster, A Greater Daemon of Khorne.”
    “I still don’t like it, how does it know that the Island is there? Also it could be leading us to a whirlpool which we don’t know about”
    “The reason you ‘still don’t like it’ is because you are suspicious and think everyones out to get you and me”
    “It’s kept you alive so far!”


    Gauwyn - Bretonnia
    Damn.
    Taking a shortcut through Bretonnia after Ardaris escaped by ship, and evading those Orcs simultaneously had seemed such a good idea.
    Watching Knights trample roughshod over my army is making it seem less clever, especially since the Bretonnian Baron and the Grail Knights he’s with are doing a good impression of a meatgrinder against my Blood Knights, with the Blood Knights being the meat.
    Scowling, I started making my way towards them.
    We’d kill the Baron at the very least.

    The last of the Blood Knights was dead, what makes those knights so damn good!?
    “I challenge you to single combat!” Hopefully he’ll accept.
    The fool just spurred his horse forward, obviously in acceptance. Did he really think I’d face him alone? My Thrall was slowly making his way around his flank.
    He’ll attack after me, so no point in waiting. Leaping at him proved folly, he was impossibly quick for a human! He raised his shield with inhuman speed, no matter, it won’t save him!
    I cleaved straight through his shield, sword about to split his head down the middle, when the attack just slid away, not even touching him!
    I saw my Thrall charge, but knew it was too late.


    Baron Raymond - Bretonnia
    The Vampire’s newly detached head hit the ground first, and the Thrall that had started charging me was disoriented momentarily from having its Sire die, and found that my shield made a good bludgeoning weapon.
    It didn’t kill it, but now it found out that Bretonnian horseshoes are very hard.


    Ayltenq - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    “Ardaris, you can’t continue, you’re killing yourself!” She smiled feebly at me,
    “I’m already dead, so what you just described is difficult for me to do.” Her attempt at humour wasn’t impressive, “Ardaris, you know as well as I do that you’re starving, in fact I’m surprised that that you didn’t start deteriorating earlier, now I’m not going to let you continue to weaken yourself further by running around the island, especially considering a Skaven Assassin tried to kill you!”


    Uaxhedin - Coast off of Kaixilixapati
    “By Sotec…”
    Two fleets?! AND BOTH ARE HEADED FOR THE ISLAND?!?!
    ‘At least what I need to do is simple. Very simple’
    ‘Must. Warn. Somebody!’


    Alxebren The Cursed - Tunnels beneath Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    Cowards.
    All the rats were doing was running, not fighting, not even trying to hinder their passage, just running


    Ardaris - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    Having one Skaven crawl out of your wall would be bad enough, but no I have a whole clan start scrambling out and start running for the door.
    Great.


    Scetto - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    What in the name of the Horned Rat had put her in this room a second time?
    Great, the only other person he knew who ever had fought Alxebren and was still alive was bedridden.
    Flawless luck.


    Tzaqor - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    Great, now our resident vermin infestation was running about the halls screaming about Daemons.
    Uaxhedin arriving back with news of the fleets was just Icing on the cake, our small island was about to become the centerpoint of a major attack, at least we had some alliances, strange as they were.


    Norimia - Cuaqtla Outskirts, Kaixilixapati
    Thank all the gods that I could persuade that idiot Witch Hunter to postpone fighting the Lizardmen to fight the Warriors of Chaos, on land too, it would be suicide to meet them on the water.


    Eliara - Cuaqtla Outskirts, Kaixilixapati
    Fighting in streets again? Fighting in jungles too, even worse. Life hates me, I’m sure of it. Fighting Warriors of Chaos in jungles, I should ask for a raise… Or just quit, might be easier, at least we have allies, not that it’s saying much


    Hroki - Cuaqtla Outskirts, Kaixilixapati
    When the man next to you gets struck by lightning, you know the opponent has a decent wizard, when the man who got struck by lightning turns around half a second later and attacks you, you start getting scared, because the enemy has a very good wizard. But when your whole front rank gets fried, and then leaps at your forces, your men start to break and run. Not without reason of course.
    This isn’t going to be pretty.


    Anerhet - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    “Second time my army has been mustered without Ardaris being the reason, she’s doing really well!” Harneni scowled at me for the comment, “Can you be serious? There’s Daemons and Skaven below us, and Warriors of Chaos coming from the sea, I think this deserves a little less humour.”
    “You take all the fun out of life, but we’d better be going.”


    Tzaqor - Cuaqtla Outskirts, Kaixilixapati
    “Damn that rat is a good assassin.” Uaxhedin commented softly as we surveyed the carnage surrounding us, there was dozens of Marauders scattered about like puppets with their strings cut, each with their throat slashed. “Where’s the blood?” I thought aloud, Uaxhedin shrugged in response,
    “They’re servants of Chaos, who knows what that’s done to them.”


    Eliara - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    ‘Finally someone who speaks a language I can understand! It is a sad day when I’m happy to see a Human, even one with elven traits, she seems damn familiar, but I know I haven’t met her, maybe she’s related to someone I know.
    At least some of the beasts they are using seem very useful, the jungles aren’t going to be as painful for us, fire breathing lizards would have that effect.
    And are being extremely painful for the enemies in the tunnel.’


    Boqtlan - Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    This isn’t going to end well.
    Ayltenq was doing a brilliant job as a mage, but the Temple Guard and Attendants had been unable to rouse the Slann, and he only has a limited amount of energy.


    Scetto - Tunnels beneath Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    ‘Okay Narglitch, just around the corner, you know you aren’t going to be stabbed, after all, you’re in your newly claimed tunnels! Why would I ever think of waiting around a corner to murder you!’
    Eventually the filth-ridden creature will come around the corner.
    And I’m not going to stab him! He deserves much worse.


    Ardaris - Cuaqtla Outskirts, Kaixilixapati
    “Come on you worthless louts hurry up and get stuck in! There’s a fight out there and you’re missing it!” He
    “But-”
    “NO EXCUSES! If you don’t stop whining and get out there I’ll have the heads of your whole family on pikes!”
    ‘Sheesh, that Chaos lord has temper, his threats are worthless, and he’s trying to order his men into a meatgrinder!’
    “Just the heads? Just the family? Geez, that’s tame, I thought you people were meant to be vicious.”
    He span, swinging his axe at me at the same time.
    “And that was meant to do something?” The axe’s metal screeched as I bent it out of shape “You’ll have to do better than that, Meat.”
    The haft of the axe broke, and the human backed up a few paces
    “I don’t know what you are, but by Khorne-”
    “Oh, spare me the invocation of your pathetic Chaos ‘Gods’. If you think brandishing the name of some petty daemon is going to scare me, you’re dead wrong. You think they’re scary? They’re your worst nightmare. However, right now,” I leaned closer, “I’m your every nightmare.”
    He screamed as I reached towards him.


    Alxebren the Cursed - Tunnels beneath Cuaqtla, Kaixilixapati
    Blast and damnation! The invasion is falling apart, Hrimki is dead, and his brother had called the retreat, and the Skaven had broken along with every bone in Narglitch’s body!
    With the death or retreat of almost every wizard in my combined armies, the Slann were becoming successful in drawing the winds of magic away from the Daemons, and they were starting to dissipate back to the Realm of Chaos.
    “Well Alxebren, it seems your little party has crashed, such a pity, I was just starting to have fun.”
    I spun to face Ardaris, and she put a knife between my eyes.


    Important Characters


    Goqtli- A Third Generation Slann in charge of the Kahoun of Cuaqtla


    Zlatbris- A Fifth Generation Slann, died in The Great Catastrophe, brought back using the ritual of awakening by Harneni and Anerhet.


    Boqtlan- The lead Oldblood of Cuaqtla, has the blessings of Itzl, Quetzl and Tepok and is revered by the inhabitants of Cuaqtla as a great leader, when it comes to war Goqtli himself listens to him, rides a Cold One


    Tzaqor- The highest ranking Skink Chief of Cuaqtla, in military second only to Boqtlan he even outranks most Saurus as he is very good at the positioning of troops in battle, rides a Ripperdactyl, highest ranking ‘air skink’


    Uaxhedin- A brash Skink chief with a slight capability to use heavens magic, highest ranking ‘sea skink’


    Ayltenq- The High Skink Priest of Cuaqtla, he is detail intensive and knows of all three priestly lores but has a short attention span and dislikes concentrating on casting more than one lore a battle and Goqtli dislikes taxing him so lets him contribute the amount he does


    Anerhet- A Minor Tomb King who has split off from the rest of Nehekhara and became reclusive, left Kheba, a small settlement on the coast, with the Lizardmen when it was attacked by an Orcish horde


    Harneni- A moderately powerful Liche Priest and brother of Anerhet


    Ardaris- A powerful Vampire who had taken an interest in Anerhet, being impossible to get rid of, followed them to Cuaqtla, and helped stave off Alxebren's siege


    Vasdbo- A Witch Hunter who has dedicated his life to showing the Empire that the Lizardmen aren’t just vile creatures (E.G not Human or Dwarves (Not including Bretonnians or the Norse or Chaos Dwarves or anything that isn’t the Empire or the Normal ‘Good’ Dwarves)


    Norimia- An experienced mercenary, currently in the service of Vasdbo.


    Baron Raymond- A Bretonnian Lord and Grail Knight, Renowned for service to the Lady and the King, He has even ridden beside the Fay Enchantress!


    Lady Kathleen- A gifted Prophetess of the Lady, She rides with the Army of Duke Raymond


    Ivarn- The son of the recently deceased Targan, A Merchant Prince of Marienburg


    Hroki- The brother of Hrimki, he is almost his brothers equal in battle, with far more guile and charisma


    Thrikth- The leader of Clan Skritchvrit, a genius by human standards, he knows the power of loyalty and so makes sure that his slaves are well fed and so, they would rather die than betray their master, as they are cunning enough to know that the warpstone isn’t shinier on the other side.


    Scetto- Thrikth’s master assassin, he has caused the death of many important figures that may have stood in Thrikth’s way, acting with initiative and laying the blame on a different clan, he is single minded, and extremely deadly, he is even faster than elves! Currently at a ceasefire with the Lizardmen of Cuaqtla


    Alxebren The Cursed- A powerful Greater Daemon, blessed by Khorne, responsible for many tragedies that have struck the the World, and most recently killed hundreds of people in The City of The Damned


    Eliara- Norimia’s second in command, this Ex-Wood Elf is one of the finest archers in The Empire


    Durcrist- An extremely skilled Shadow Master who is currently travelling through Naggaroth


    Gulnour- A powerful Shadow Weaver in the service of Durcrist


    Vasheress- A Dark Elf Assassin who has earned huge amounts of money in the Empire


    Ruagahnn- A Dragon who has recently awoken from his slumber, he is of the greatest species of his kind, nearly unmatched in power


    Important Locations


    Kheba- Anerhet's Retreat on the coast it is close to the jungle and far from the attentions of other Tomb Kings yet somehow Ardaris managed to find it! Razed by an Orcish horde


    Cuaqtla- Located on the island of Kaixilixapati this Kahoun was created as a place to store knowledge and as a focal point for the geomantic web


    Deceased Characters


    Targan- A massively successful (And fat) Merchant Prince, assassinated by Vasheress


    Hrimki- A powerful, but arrogant Chaos Lord, slain in battle by Ardaris


    Rimkailn- A powerful Black Dragon who led thirteen of his kind against Ruagahnn to slay him before he fully awoke, Killed by Ruagahnn


    Narglicht- A Lord of Clan Pestilens, sided with Alxebren to take Kaixilixapati from Thrikth and Goqtli, assassinated by Scetto


    Gauwyn- A Vampire Lord who had almost located Ardaris, when she escaped with the Lizardmen. Moved north to return to Sylvania. Killed in single combat by Duke Raymond
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  2. Scalenex
    Slann

    Scalenex Keeper of the Indexes Staff Member

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    You have too much going on. Your story is virtually 100% dialog. I can't tell whose winning, whose on whose side, who is fighting who, who I'm supposed to root for. Two dozen characters is too many for a story this short. 12 would be pushing it.

    I can tell that you know what's going on, and when you jump from dialog block to dialog block I'm sure the action is playing inside your head. We can't read your mind. I looks like you have a good story here, but if you want us to see it, you need to break this down into smaller bites and feed your narrative to us piece by piece.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2015
  3. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    So, I must have read this about 4 times now, and I think I've got the hang of it.

    The coolness to exposition ratio is about 10000000:1. The ideas behind the set pieces are really interesting, and you pepper in some awesome lines ("Does it even have a neck?!" , “I’m your every nightmare.” etc etc).

    I find your background stuff interesting, but only exciting in an intellectual sense and your "hello, you're dead!" stuff exciting but thin on the details that make me care about who just said hello and who just died.

    When you hit the sweet spot, you will be writing some real page turners.

    What is next?
     
  4. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Razordon

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    4 times!? :jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop::jawdrop::eek::jawdrop:

    Thanks for the feedback, what did you think of the edit?

    :stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop::stop:

    :argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh::argh::hurting::inpain::hurting::argh:
    :grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy::grumpy::dead::depressed::dead::grumpy:


    I'm thinking ( :writing: ), it's long weekend, but :muted:
     
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  5. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    4 times - Possibly more. I wasn't game to give a knee jerk comment originally, particularly because you were still working on the polishing, and because background stuff was coming out which was changing my view of the characters and the Kcibrihp-Esurciverse.

    The Edit - I didn't see any technical errors in the last version - which is good - less things to stumble over for the reader.. But... it is hard to spot subtle changes in something you are already familiar with, so I can't say that the final edit made it amazingly better.

    The one big thing is that you wrote out my favourite character (the doomed house guard for the fat merchant. I was hoping you would do a background story for him)

    And, just an etiquette thing. Don't use up all the smileys. If we run out, the Red Devil will have to run down to the shop to get some more.
     
  6. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Razordon

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    Trophy Points:
    63
    :hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious::hilarious::mooning::hilarious:

    :wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf:

    WHAT!? HOW WAS HE YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER? HE HAD THREE LINES BEFORE HE DIED!
    Fall in love with Ardaris or Thrikth or something man.
     

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